


Cut Away The Parts Of Me

by BearlyWriting



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [16]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Gen, Grief, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Pre-Canon, Prompt: Traumatic Haircut, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 12:09:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20891891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearlyWriting/pseuds/BearlyWriting
Summary: "Katie’s hand trembled. The scissors, gripped tight in one white-knuckled fist, trembled too, flashing in the light.Just do it,Katie thought at herself, furiously.Just do it."For the prompt "Traumatic Haircut" for the Bad Things Happen Bingo.





	Cut Away The Parts Of Me

Katie’s hand trembled. The scissors, gripped tight in one white-knuckled fist, trembled too, flashing in the light. 

_Just do it,_ Katie thought at herself, furiously. _Just do it._

But she couldn’t. In the mirror, her reflection stared mournfully back, eyes huge and dark and blurred with the hot prick of tears. This was stupid. Katie had never been particularly attached to her hair – not in the way some people were. Before, she wouldn’t have thought twice about hacking off the length of it, except, perhaps, to do it at a hairdresser, where they were far less likely to mess it up. 

But it wasn’t the prospect of messing it up that stilled her hand now. It was something deeper, something darker. Something that tightened her throat and burned behind her eyes. Something that had her arm muscles straining, unsure whether to push forward or pull away. 

For God’s sake. 

A swell of something hot and angry surged up her throat, spiking through her chest and Katie threw the scissors down against the sink with a snarl. They bounced off of the porcelain with a metallic clink before clattering to the tiles. In the mirror, Katie’s face twisted into something ugly, something raw and painful. All her life, Katie had been told that she looked like her brother – had been asked, even, if they were twins, although she had never quite managed Matt’s height, or the self-assured way that he carried himself. Now, she looked so utterly different that it almost took her breath away. 

Katie buried her fingers in her still uncut hair, ducking away from her reflection and the stranger she saw there, felt tears bubbling over her lashes, sliding over her cheeks, dripping in fat droplets off her chin, to join the scissors in their exile on the floor. She crouched. Breathed. Felt the ragged rise-and-fall of her ribs as she gasped past the beginning of a sob. She had to do this. She had to. There had been no pilot error. Katie knew that with a certainty that came from deep within her gut, solid as a rock and just as undeniable. This was her chance to find out what had really happened – to find them, maybe. But it was _hard_. This was for dad, for Matt, but, still, it felt like an acknowledgement that something terrible had happened. Without it, she could still pretend that everything was OK, that dad and Matt, and even Shiro, would walk through that door and it would all go back to normal. 

But that wouldn’t happen. Katie had to accept that if she was going to find them – if there was any point to any of this at all. 

With trembling fingers, she snagged the scissors from their resting place at the base of the sink. She didn’t bother to stand back up again. If she was going to do this, it was better to do it like this – where she couldn’t see her reflection, where she wouldn’t be able to see the change in herself, the emerging likeness to her brother that she already knew she would see, so familiar, and yet, not the same. 

The scissors sheared through her hair with a satisfying snip. Clumps of it fell around her like a snowfall, scattering over the tiles. Katie shut her eyes. She didn’t want to see it happen. She chopped blindly, unevenly, her fingers steady now that she had steeled herself to it. Then there was the strange sensation of lightness. Air brushed against the back of Katie’s neck, sent a shiver trembling along her spine, tightening her skin. She kept going - the cool metal of the scissors sliding across her flesh, teasing, sharp. 

Until, finally, Katie set the scissors down, gently this time, dropping them into the soft bed of hair that had accumulated at her feet. It was a strange, electric shock, when she finally opened her eyes, to see how much was littered across the floor, draped over the curve of her knees, clinging to her thighs and her arms like a shroud. When she lifted her hand, fine strands of it blew up into the air and spiralled to the ground. She did it. She hadn’t thought she could, but she _did it_. 

Giddy with something that wasn’t quite relief, Katie hauled herself upright, clinging to the edge of the sink as if she might slide straight back to the floor without that grip. For a long moment, she kept her eyes fixed on the tiles. What had been done had been done – there was nothing she could do to change it now, and even if she could, this was what Pidge had wanted, she had done this to herself. Still, she was scared to look. She was terrified to see the evidence of what she had done, of how drastically her world had changed around her. 

When she finally opened her eyes, her brother blinked back. Katie’s stomach dropped right through her body, swooping down towards her toes with a sickening lurch. The figure in the mirror paled so quickly that Katie could practically see the blood rushing under their skin. They swayed and the world around Katie swayed too. 

That was Matt. 

For a bright, burning moment, it was Matt in the mirror, standing across from Katie as if he had never been away. It wasn’t, of course. When Katie focussed, blinking away the shock and the sudden reappearance of tears, she could see a thousand little differences that set her and her brother apart: the little upturn of her nose, the round puppy fat of her face that Matt had long since lost, the dark length of her lashes. She wasn’t wearing the glasses he had given her, afraid that they would get in the way, or worse, get damaged. And her hair was nothing like his, except for the length. Hers was too choppy, too wild, too inexpertly cut. Matt had never cared much about his hair either, but it was obvious that she had cut hers herself. 

Still, the likeness was there, undeniable. If she didn’t know Matt so well, couldn’t recall his face with perfect clarity, she could see how someone could confuse them. Could see everything that she loved about her brother reflected in her own face. It was disturbing. 

Katie swallowed against the sudden thickness of her throat. It ached, a deep hollow behind her ribs, a vice like the grip of callous fingers around her heart. It hurt, to look into her own reflection and see her brother so clearly. It was like some sick joke. Who knew where her real brother was? Who knew what could be happening to him? Katie’s blotchy, tear-streaked face was a poor approximation. 

Bile burned hot at the back of her throat and Katie had to swallow again. She needed to pull herself together. This was her chance to find out exactly what happened. Her chance, maybe, to get her family back, to make everything right again. She had planned this for so long and now she had finally made the leap. Now she just needed to hold it together long enough to find the answers she needed. 

And she would. Right after she finished throwing up everything she had eaten right into the sink.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> I have a tumblr at [bearly-writing](https://bearly-writing.tumblr.com/) if you fancy dropping by for a chat!


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